It can be tough keeping track of the ever expanding cast of characters I call friends. Here’s a helpful glossary in the event you need a reference on who’s who. (note: This will be continuously updated).

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Chris Venom

One of my best friends, Venom and I share a love for awful movie quotes and random pop culture references. One year saw us watch over a hundred movies in the theater.

Davey

My “adopted” son in professional wrestling & life. Will kill someone if they look at him the wrong way, routinely likes to kick people in the face.

Doug

Currently thinks I’m a piece of shit. Despite that I’ve had a lot of great times with Doug.

Ruy

One of my closest friends for over fifteen years. Also named John, we usually call him by his middle name Ruy. Big, Portuguese, and one of the best guys I know. Aliases include Johnny-Five, Helmetly.

JR

One of my closest childhood friends growing up, JR had the dubious distinction of being the “token black guy” in our group of friends.

J-Quad

Our powers combined, the super group J-Quad normally use their powers for heavy drinking an debauchery instead of super heroics. John #1 (Thorny), John #1A (Me), Johnny Fourplay (Mikey P), Johnny-Five, Lumberjake, and Jenn (wrestling sensation Amber) are all members.

Kepler

The puppet I got while on a family vacation at Universal Studios in Florida back in 2001. Became a mascot of sorts for my group of friends, and became a ‘character’ in NCW with “RIOT” Kellan Thomas.

Lumberjake

A wild lumberjack from the Yukon. Jake is an encyclopedia of pop culture knowledge, mainly because he reads everything off of Wikipedia. One of the three-headed monsters and hetero life partners with Mike Paiva.

Mikey P

Another longtime friend and partner in crime, Mikey has been known to be a sleazy yet lovable motherfucker. Ensured Tim Pittman would never look at him the same way after Hell Year 2008. Heterosexual life partners with Lumberjake.

MTE

AKA Michael, Mike, my older cousin (by one year less one week). Devoted to the Army, writing about his sexual escapades, being eccentric, and his son.

Pacifico

I’ve known him since I was fourteen years old, attending High School with me when he joined NCW in 1997. Since then we’ve adopted the lifelong policy of “Bros Before Foes”.

Thorny

My roommate. Jon #1, #1A, Thorny, Thornfish. Call him what you will but the littlest member of J-Quad is also the most troublesome; always getting me into the most trouble out of all my friends.

Tim Kilgore

The Babby to my Ship, the former Jehovah Witness has always been an interesting member of our group of friends. Especially now that his hair color changes more than the seasons.

Tim Pittman

“Tim Tim Pittman, Tim Tim Pittman… I wanna be Tim Pittman!” (sung to the tune of The Ramones- “I Wanna Be Sedated”)

Trip

Another one of my childhood best friends, Trip still wrestles in NCW today 19 years later.